Remember those taxes I, President Obama, promised not to raise on you, the little people, about whom I care so very deeply? "Not a dime," I said. "Let me repeat, not one single dime."
Well, I was a candidate then. I may now have to recalibrate my words.
There are a few minor, hardly worth mentioning things in the House mark up of the Health Care Reform Bill. (Pause for effect. Look serious. Crinkle forehead.)
1. A tax on individuals without acceptable health care coverage. But that's a mere 2 1/2 per cent tax on people earning $9300 a year or families earning $18,700 a year.
2. An employer mandate of 8%.
3. There's a provision disallowing the distribution from Health Savings Accounts for over the counter drugs which is estimated to cost people an additional $8 Billion in taxes.
4. The comparative research tax that will be levied on health insurance policies.
(Big smile for the finish.)
Now, I know I said there would be no new taxes on anyone earning under $250,000 - er $200,000 - er $250,000 - well, it was a long time ago. Speaker Pelosi recently tried to reassure you that with regard to paying for health care reform, we would create a millionaire tax. She knew many of you were nervous about that $250,000 number because you thought, hey, I might be earning that kind of money so you'll be taxing me.
But we feel confident in creating a millionaire's tax because we know none of you are aspiring to that. That's like reaching for the moon. Besides, we know you hate those millionaires who do nothing but sneer at the rest of us and live in those big houses eating cavier 24/7. They're good for nothing but paying taxes on all that sweet money they earned off the backs of the poor.
My crack financial team went a little off the reservation this past weekend. Timmy Geitner said, regarding bringing the deficit down, "We can't make these judgments yet on how we're going to get there... but the very important thing for people to remember is that we don't have a choice as a country." Then Larry Sommers, White House Economic Advisor said on Face the Nation about raising taxes on the middle class, "It's never a good idea to rule things out no matter what."
This might have given the impression that I was willing to consider raising taxes on you, the downtrodden. I want you to know that it would hurt me deeply to have to do this. It would hurt Michelle. I think of the effect this would have on my Kenyan aunt, living in the projects. Poor dear. I would give her a hand up, you know, help her personally, if I could, but I'm just one man.
Michelle, in her own way, is reaching out. Reaching out to family and friends. Laura Bush had one assistant. Michelle has put more than twenty on the payroll. She has schedulers scheduling schedulers.
I'm doing my best to bring in money to the Democratic party, the party of the real people, by selling ambassadorships beginning at $500,000 per donation. Germany doesn't want to go along with it yet, but who needs Germany?
I just want all of you to know, though I may have to tweak things here and there, I'm trying my best to keep my word. You may have to pay a little here and a little there, but unless someone actually tells you about it, you might not even know it's a tax. Just some kind of cost of living thing.
I am changing things and I'm changing them now. Just like I said I would.
Recent Comments